Spiritual Sunday 08-18-2013

     Lately, I’ve felt a bit outside of myself and I’m not sure what that means.  I’ve just been going with the flow of life instead of having everything planned or getting myself into doing stuff just to do it.  I feel like I am staying open to the possibilities in life, yet it is a bit nerve wrecking.  I am used to being part of many things and right now I am sort of free to just sit back and take it all in.  Perhaps it is because I just finished grad school a few months ago and it took a lot of thinking, concentrating, studying, and focusing to get me through it all.  I’m not quite sure how to take all that I have learned and put it into perspective in my life, when I am often too busy thinking about what comes next. 

       Somehow I feel like I had a mental shift and my mind is often now on wondering who will be the man I will share my life with.  I remember thinking that it would be nice to have a crush.  But be careful what you wish for.  I don’t want to worry about who will be the one for me.  I just want to live my life and be open to all the possibilities that God places in my path whether its friendship or potential romantic relationship until it feels right with the one He has for me.  It has felt pretty tough to meet people in this day and age and perhaps it is because most people are doing online dating.  Somehow I don’t’ feel motivated to put myself out there like that.  But folks who do are brave souls indeed! Yesterday I heard another success story through online communication.  I wonder what God thinks about online dating.  Either way whether I do it or not, I am always waiting on the Lord.  I wait for His indication in my heart, in my soul, and in my spirit.  Which is why when someone comes into my life and I feel drawn to them, it makes me wonder what their purpose is in my life.  Not everything that shines is gold...but God has come to put the fire on this earth indeed.  If we are not refined already..He will put the fire on us so we can become shiny and pure hearted for Him.  (Oh God, please make me pure hearted  and brave for you.)

     Today’s scriptures were really moving for me.  In the first reading we hear how the

prophet Jeremiah was sent to be put to death by those who were close to the king.  According to them, Jeremiah was not looking after the welfare of the people.  The king’s men believed Jeremiah was blaspheming and that he was on the side of Babylon.  Little did they know that it was the Lord himself speaking through Jeremiah.  It is inspiring to see how Jeremiah spoke the truth.  When I think about modern times I wonder what is the truth.  It feels like nowadays there is a thin line between right and wrong.  It’s hard to think about what would Jesus do in modern times.  But as He used Jeremiah, so He will use us to bring messages, signs, and peace to the world. (Oh God, use me as you used Jeremiah to spread the truth.)

     The second reading was from the Book of Hebrews.  Paul’s words cannot be paraphrased here are the verses:

Brothers and sisters:

Since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,

let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us

and persevere in running the race that lies before us

while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus,

the leader and perfecter of faith.

For the sake of the joy that lay before him

he endured the cross, despising its shame,

and has taken his seat at the right of the throne of God. 

Consider how he endured such opposition from sinners,

in order that you may not grow weary and lose heart. 

In your struggle against sin

you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood.

That’s deep right?  Well I just want to emphasize again the last two lines because they stood out to me the most:

In your struggle against sin

you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood.

     I went to mass today.  I thank the Holy Spirit for pushing me to get up and go.  After reading the gospel this morning, I was actually looking forward to Father Bartalomew’s homily.  He is a visiting priest form Africa who has been giving the 11am English mass, and when I went last week I took a whole bunch of notes on my phone.  This time around I knew better so I took my pen and notebook.  His homily was powerful.  He reminded me of Jeremiah speaking up there in the altar with conviction.  He was spitting bible verses and I was really trying to keep up.  His homilies make me want to go to church again.  I thank God for that.  

     The Gospel was from the book of Luke and it took a lot of contemplating for me to understand it.  The priest’s homily really helped to put it into perspective.  Here are some of the notes I took:

God wants us to be thinking...He wants to challenge us to think critically about the circumstances in our lives.
Why do the Gospels seem to contradict themselves..Jesus came for Division (Book of Luke) and Jesus prince of peace? (Book of Matthew) which one is it?

In the Gospel of today Jesus is talking about opinions.  We have to endure opposition against sin.  Peace does not mean to agree with what everyone says.  It's ok to disagree with mom, dad, or other loved ones for the cause of Christ.  The challenge of Christians is to know the truth and to stand by the truth.

Christians are always being attacked in the world.  Your life is a challenge to people.  Your life is a symbol of Christ!
Our position should be where there is truth.  Disagreeing does not mean you don't love the person you disagree with.

There are disadvantages and consequences for standing up for the truth.  People will turn against you (look at Jeremiah)
However, it's not always bad consequences when you stand up for the truth, as there are always witnesses in the heavens and they will come forth in due time including the saints, the angels, and the Virgin Mary.  


Today's challenge:

Be positioned against evil, against what is not good .  You will suffer in the body but your spirit will be saved! 

tygijn

(c)rosewillberose 

True to myself...

...a little music therapy for the soul.

Son las cosas pequeñas...(It's the little things...)

     Este fin de semana he recibido unos regalitos especiales y inesperados... (This weekend I received some unexpected special gifts.....)

Una cartita especial de mi querida mama, que me alegro el corazon! Yo se que mi motivacion 
para escribir o hacer algo creativo siempre ha venido de mi madre 
(A special letter from my dear mom that brought joy to my heart! I know my motivation 
to write or do anything creative comes from my mom!)

Monedas y billetes de otro pais que me trajo una amiga en su aventura del verano (Kuna and BAM currency of Croatia and Bosnia which a friend brought back from her summer adventure back to her homeland..she even wrote a blog about it here!

Son las cosas pequenas y inesperadas que significan algo GRANDE!

   (It's always the little things that are meaningful in a BIG way.)

Estoy muy agradecida..

(Truly Grateful....)

tygijn

Revelations...

     Earlier last week I posted on my Facebook that God has revealed himself to me in many ways.  This indeed is true and continues to be true.  Of course, I am a firm believer that God constantly reveals himself to us in many ways, but we are not always paying attention.  I have been feeling beyond grateful for the many blessings in my life.  It has been such a relief to finish grad school and finally begin my life's work at Mount Sinai.  The Lord opened many doors for me but this one was the one that felt right.  Only God knows what plans He has laid out for me.  I had no clue I'd be working with high risk patients who are over 65 and live with multiple chronic illnesses for the beginning of this work.  But I know that in time the purpose of this will be revealed to me.  I pray for the holy spirit to guide me every step of the way.  That I can be an instrument of His peace.  That everything that I do may be for the glory of God.  

     Working in a hospital is not for everyone.  For me, I know I am surrounded by people who have dedicated their lives to serving others every day.  When I first began my journey in contemplating my life's work, medical social work was not an option for me.  Now, I am part of the medical team.  This is a very exciting time to be part of a medical profession as things are rapidly changing for the good. The medical professions are becoming interdisciplinary teams instead of separate professions. Regardless of our titles, we all have the responsibility of providing our patients with the best care possible.  It is our duty to work together as a team.  It is a great concept that has been coming to fruition slowly but surely among the many medical disciplines.  This is also an exciting time to be part of Mount Sinai as it is expanding to become one of the largest medical centers and schools of medicine in the state.  I am looking forward to growing and learning to push the envelope of what I can do, and I know this is where I will do it.  I am already being inspired by my team who has been so supportive and amazing in such short time I have been there.  I am grateful to be part of this team and to have found my life's work.  

True humility and fear of the LORD lead to riches, honor, and long life.  

Proverbs 22:4

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 

2 Corinthians 12:9

Whoever does not love does not know God because God is love. 

1 John 4:8

Info on Mount Sinai Hospital

Info on Mount Sinai in the Bible

Exodus 19-20

Mi vida bilingüe

     Me tomó mucho tiempo empezar este blog hace mas de tres años.  Ni siquiera me he dado cuenta del tiempo que ha pasado hasta ahora.  Pero cuando regreso a leer las entradas del pasado me alegra mucho saber que he evolucionado con el tiempo.  Es interesante ver los cambios en mi misma mientras voy aprendiendo a traves de mis experiencias vividas.  Pienso que mientras pasa el tiempo voy transformandome poquito a poco mas en mi ser auténtico.

     Entonces para celebrar la existencia de este blog y estar mas cerca de mi ser autentico, este blog tiene que ser bilingüe.  Por mucho tiempo he querido hacerlo pero siempre me quedo con el pensamiento de lo complicado que puede ser.  Pues la vida bilingüe no es fácil.  Aveces se me hace difícil escribir una entrada por falta de tiempo que solo pensar en tener que traducirlo es una locura y casi imposible.  Pero como nada es imposible con la ayuda de Dios he decidido solo escribir y no pensar tanto en que lenguaje será.  La verdad es que en el proceso de aprender ingles y tener que hablarlo en este país se me ha puesto un poco opaco el español.  Pero mi vida empezó en español y mis oraciones son en español y todavía el español es mi lengua principal.  Y mira que al fin encontré una profesión que me llena el corazón y que podría satisfacer mi sed de servirle a mi comunidad hispana.  La mayoría de mis pacientes son personas hispanas que no hablan ni un poquito de ingles.  Me pregunto como voy a tener un blog que me permite compartir con otros y no hacerlo en español también.

     Se que mi espíritu me esta empujando a seguir este viaje en bilingüe.  Es más, hace unos años atrás fui a un retiro espiritual de jóvenes.  Cuando llegue adonde nos íbamos a quedar por el fin de semana y entre a mi cuarto allí estaba una Biblia encima de mi cama.  Nos regalaron Biblias a todos y algunos recibieron Biblias en ingles y algunos en español.  Yo pensaba que la mía iba ser en ingles pero allí estaba una nueva y brillante Biblia en español con un papelito adentro.  El papelito fue escrito por una persona extraña que no había conocido hasta después del retiro.  La foto en este blog es ese mensaje que recibí.  Dice "Rosa, que Dios te conceda la comprensión del viaje bilingüe que el a establecido para ti."  Bueno, hay que hacerle caso a Dios y a las personas en nuestro camino que Dios usa para mandarnos mensajes, aunque a pasado el tiempo nunca es tarde.

     Le doy gracias a Dios por la fortaleza de poder seguir este viaje de escribir mis pensamientos y compartir tanto de mi con el mundo, especialmente mi familia y mis amistades.  Le doy gracias a Dios también por iluminarme el camino a través de mis seres queridos y hasta de personas que tal vez nunca tendría mas que solo un encuentro.  Dios nos inspira de muchas maneras y nos extiende el camino para seguir creciendo y aprendiendo ha acercarnos mas a nuestro ser auténtico.

gadendj

(c)  rosaserárosa (rosewillberose)

Reflections on "In the Name of Jesus"

     Today I finally began to read books that are not school related.  In fact, they are books that enhance my spirituality. Graduate school has taken a lot out of me.  Lord knows I have to recover mentally, physically, and spiritually.  I have already begun to work on myself physically by making good use of the running track two blocks away from my house in Astoria Park.  It feels great to be able to do physical activity on purpose.  I am very grateful that I was given three full weeks of time off before I start my full-time job which, by the way, I haven't announced yet but I GOT THE JOB AT MOUNT SINAI! I am grateful to God for so many blessings and the opportunity to begin my career at Mount Sinai as a Social Worker is truly a blessing.  It's difficult for one to think about how strong our faith is but I think of moments like this when I stood my ground mentally and emotionally about placing my faith in Christ and not on what society was dictating and it makes me want to rejoice!  Thank you Jesus for all your blessings! Speaking of Jesus, I started reading the book "In the Name of Jesus" by Henri J.M. Nouwen and it has been a great source of bringing me closer to Christ through the deep meditations of Nouwen. It was difficult to put the book down every so often to meditate on something I felt was profound but I managed to do so and completed the book.  Nouwen uses the experiences that Jesus had in the desert to write about christian leadership.  It is a great book for those who are trying to lead a Christian life during these trying times.  It spoke to me very profoundly as I've had times when I've gotten frustrated with the clergymen and the church in their interpretations and actions done in the name of Jesus.  Nouwen gives constructive criticism that brings peace to my soul about many frustrations I have about the church today.

     While reading this book a situation came up where I had to return to my old neighborhood parish (which I truly deeply love).  In the past, I had some disagreements with the Monsignor there and I didn't quite know exactly why.  I just knew that the times I encountered him my spirit felt very uneasy.  I respectfully communicated this to him and although we tried to get past it, it was a feeling I still cannot explain.  Last week when I visited the parish he was giving mass.  For some reason, I no longer felt uneasy in his presence.  After mass, he came over to say hello and I felt truly glad to see him and no longer felt uneasy.  Perhaps I was not in a good place spiritually then or perhaps it was the only way for me to explore a new parish.  I don't know what it all meant but I am glad to be at peace about it.  Reading this book also comforted me in knowing that even Nouwen at the time he wrote this book had the many concerns that many of us still have today.  I have written down some quotes below that stood out from the book and share some reflections of my own.  I welcome you to use the quotes by Nouwen as meditations or even more so I encourage any person interested in Christian leadership to read this book.

Quotes from "In the Name of Jesus" and some of my reflections:

"Jesus did not send His disciples out alone to preach the word.  He sent them two-by-two."

     Nouwen reminds us that in Mark 6:7, Jesus sends the disciples out in pairs to share the good news.  He talks about how we are often called to share the Gospel in community.  He also reminds us that in Matthew 18:19-20 Jesus is again referring to how the power of God comes fervently when people gather.  When I think about my life I can say that praying and serving in community is definitely a powerful experience. It is those experiences that have strengthened me spiritually to stand up for many causes I am passionate about. 

"Indeed, whenever we minister together, it is easier for people to recognize that we do not come in our own name, but in the name of the Lord Jesus who sent us." 

----

"These broken, wounded, and completely unpretentious people forced me to let go of my relevant self-the self that can do things, show things, prove things, build things-and forced me to reclaim that unadorned self in which I am completely vulnerable, open to receive and give love regardless of any accomplishments."  

     I thought the quote above was very profound as one of the journey's that Nouwen was lead to after he had written several books and became well-known for his many accomplishments, was to a community with people who had intellectual disabilities.  In other words, everything he had done and accomplished was irrelevant to the people he was going to serve.  It was as if he had started all over just being his plain, vulnerable self and not the "famous" Henri Nouwen.  How many of us often take the time to return to that vulnerable self we once were before the titles, before the accomplishments, before becoming well known?

"I am convinced that the Christian leader of the future is called to be completely irrelevant and to stand in this world with nothing to offer but his or her vulnerable self. That is the way Jesus came to reveal God's love.  The great message that we have to carry, as ministers of God's word and followers of Jesus, is that God loves us not because of what we do or accomplish, but because God has created and redeemed us in love and has chosen us to proclaim that love as the true source of all human life." 

"Feeling irrelevant is a much more general experience than we might think when we look at our seemingly self-confident society."

----

"Knowing God's heart means consistently, radically, and very concretely to announce and reveal that God is love and only love, and that every time fear, isolation, or despair begin to invade the human soul, this is not something that comes from God."

    It is hard to remember this during times of fear, isolation or despair but it is necessary in order to live a healthy quality of life with peace in our mind and soul.

"...very few people know that they are loved without any conditions or limits."

     The above quote moves me to tears because so many of us rely on a conditional and limited love that often comes from human beings.  Nouwen refers to this kind of love as secondary love, which is the love we get from parents, family, and friends.  Yet, as Nouwen states, we need to rely on God's love which is primary, unconditional and unlimited.

"Contemplative prayer keeps us home, rooted, and safe, even when we are on the road, moving from place to place and often surrounded by sounds of violence and war."

     This reminds me that I have access to God from anywhere I am and through prayer and meditation I can feel safe and secure of that.  Even just meditating on scripture (such as Galatians 2:20 where Paul says "It is not I who live, but Christ who lives in me") during times of trouble can bring me peace that God is constantly present.

"Through contemplative prayer we can keep ourselves from being pulled from one urgent issue to another and from becoming strangers to our own heart and God's heart."

---

"...many discussions then seem more like political battles for power than spiritual searches for truth."

   This spoke to me as we are living in a society where everyone has their opinion about morality and hardly is the mystery of Christ ever mentioned.

"The original meaning of the word "Theology" was "union with God", it has now become another academic discipline."

     Again, society is rapidly plunging into secularity and distancing itself from the spiritual.

"For Christian leadership to be truly fruitful in the future, a movement from the moral to the mystical is required."

---

The following excerpts from the book spoke to my new journey as a social worker:

"Jesus, speaking about his own shepherding ministry, says, "I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for my sheep" (John 10:14-15).  As Jesus ministers, so he wants us to minister.  He wants Peter to feed his sheep and care for them, not as "professionals" who know their client's problems and take care of them, but as vulnerable brothers and sisters who know and are known, who care and are cared for, who forgive and are being forgiven, who love and are being loved."

"Somehow we have come to believe that good leadership requires a safe distance from those we are called to lead.  Medicine, psychiatry, and social work all offer us models in which "service" takes place in a one-way direction.  Someone serves, someone else is being served, and be sure not to mix those two up!  But how can we lay down our life for those with whom we are not even allowed to enter into a deep personal relationship?  Laying down your life means making your own faith and doubt, hope and despair, joy and sadness, courage and fear available to others as ways of getting in touch with the Lord of life."

"We are not the healers, we are not the reconcilers, we are not the givers of life. We are sinful, broken, vulnerable people who need as much care as anyone we care for.  The mystery of ministry is that we have been chosen to make our own limited and very conditional love the gateway for the unlimited and unconditional love of God."

"Even the so called "helping professions" have been so thoroughly secularized that mutuality can only be seen as a weakness and a dangerous form of role confusion.  The leadership about which Jesus speaks is of a radically different kind from the leadership offered by the world."

TYGIJN

(c) rosewillberose
     

Good things come to those who....

      I am truly grateful for all the doors of opportunity that have been opening up for me in the world of Social Work.  I have heard different experiences from different people in their struggle to find employment after grad school.  It so difficult to stay in the right place spiritually and mentally when so much is going on.  Not only do I have finals to complete, but I have to prepare for each particular interview.  I certainly do not always remember to do this but I do make an effort to stay focused on the faith that God is going to make it all work out for the good.

      In reflecting on some of my experiences, I remember in high school being part of a Business Career program my Junior year.  Everyone in the program had to work a part-time job until graduation.  While others worked in retail or fast food jobs, I was hoping for an administrative position.  This meant that I waited...and waited..and waited..until finally 3 months into the school year my opportunity came.  I remember thinking "good things DO come to those who wait."  I began to work at a small law firm assisting an attorney with administrative work.  I stayed there for ten years.  Then I moved to NYC.  My plan was to go to grad school in NYC but I felt I needed to be established first. Once I arrived to NYC I began sending my resume out and writing tailored cover letters to different positions.  I remember juggling between 3 different job offers.  I finally chose working at a large law firm and stayed there for four years.  Again I waited...and waited but finally my time came to apply to grad school.  That was two years ago and here I am just weeks away from getting my Master's Degree in Social Work!

   By the grace of God I've been getting several interviews for promising job prospects.   I am still in the interview process and have not gotten any job offers yet, but I have faith that they will come.  I pray for God to provide me with the wisdom to choose right.  Interviewing in the midst of finals has been brutal, but God has provided me with the tools and the courage to show up and shine.  I have already gained an enormous amount of knowledge just by interviewing.  Having to talk about myself and reflect on my experiences has opened up a sea of knowledge about the self.  It has also allowed me to break down barriers that I didn't realize had been there.  I just want to thank God for helping me to put all these experiences into perspective and make them count.  As my academic journey into social work comes to a close, I am looking forward to beginning my professional career.

     I am grateful to everyone who has taken the time to be part of my journey.  Even folks who may no longer be a part of my life contributed to my success in their own way.  I am grateful that I can look back and give those relationships meaning in my life.  I hope that in some way I have also been able to bring meaning into their lives.  I have been blessed throughout this journey and know that I will continue to do so.  This is a new beginning.  I remember writing once that my life was a combination of many "new beginnings."  Well this is another one!  The life work that I have always done will now be my career.  I was born to serve others and I will finally get to do so on a full-time basis!  Amen to that!

(c)rosewillberose