Reflections on "In the Name of Jesus"

     Today I finally began to read books that are not school related.  In fact, they are books that enhance my spirituality. Graduate school has taken a lot out of me.  Lord knows I have to recover mentally, physically, and spiritually.  I have already begun to work on myself physically by making good use of the running track two blocks away from my house in Astoria Park.  It feels great to be able to do physical activity on purpose.  I am very grateful that I was given three full weeks of time off before I start my full-time job which, by the way, I haven't announced yet but I GOT THE JOB AT MOUNT SINAI! I am grateful to God for so many blessings and the opportunity to begin my career at Mount Sinai as a Social Worker is truly a blessing.  It's difficult for one to think about how strong our faith is but I think of moments like this when I stood my ground mentally and emotionally about placing my faith in Christ and not on what society was dictating and it makes me want to rejoice!  Thank you Jesus for all your blessings! Speaking of Jesus, I started reading the book "In the Name of Jesus" by Henri J.M. Nouwen and it has been a great source of bringing me closer to Christ through the deep meditations of Nouwen. It was difficult to put the book down every so often to meditate on something I felt was profound but I managed to do so and completed the book.  Nouwen uses the experiences that Jesus had in the desert to write about christian leadership.  It is a great book for those who are trying to lead a Christian life during these trying times.  It spoke to me very profoundly as I've had times when I've gotten frustrated with the clergymen and the church in their interpretations and actions done in the name of Jesus.  Nouwen gives constructive criticism that brings peace to my soul about many frustrations I have about the church today.

     While reading this book a situation came up where I had to return to my old neighborhood parish (which I truly deeply love).  In the past, I had some disagreements with the Monsignor there and I didn't quite know exactly why.  I just knew that the times I encountered him my spirit felt very uneasy.  I respectfully communicated this to him and although we tried to get past it, it was a feeling I still cannot explain.  Last week when I visited the parish he was giving mass.  For some reason, I no longer felt uneasy in his presence.  After mass, he came over to say hello and I felt truly glad to see him and no longer felt uneasy.  Perhaps I was not in a good place spiritually then or perhaps it was the only way for me to explore a new parish.  I don't know what it all meant but I am glad to be at peace about it.  Reading this book also comforted me in knowing that even Nouwen at the time he wrote this book had the many concerns that many of us still have today.  I have written down some quotes below that stood out from the book and share some reflections of my own.  I welcome you to use the quotes by Nouwen as meditations or even more so I encourage any person interested in Christian leadership to read this book.

Quotes from "In the Name of Jesus" and some of my reflections:

"Jesus did not send His disciples out alone to preach the word.  He sent them two-by-two."

     Nouwen reminds us that in Mark 6:7, Jesus sends the disciples out in pairs to share the good news.  He talks about how we are often called to share the Gospel in community.  He also reminds us that in Matthew 18:19-20 Jesus is again referring to how the power of God comes fervently when people gather.  When I think about my life I can say that praying and serving in community is definitely a powerful experience. It is those experiences that have strengthened me spiritually to stand up for many causes I am passionate about. 

"Indeed, whenever we minister together, it is easier for people to recognize that we do not come in our own name, but in the name of the Lord Jesus who sent us." 

----

"These broken, wounded, and completely unpretentious people forced me to let go of my relevant self-the self that can do things, show things, prove things, build things-and forced me to reclaim that unadorned self in which I am completely vulnerable, open to receive and give love regardless of any accomplishments."  

     I thought the quote above was very profound as one of the journey's that Nouwen was lead to after he had written several books and became well-known for his many accomplishments, was to a community with people who had intellectual disabilities.  In other words, everything he had done and accomplished was irrelevant to the people he was going to serve.  It was as if he had started all over just being his plain, vulnerable self and not the "famous" Henri Nouwen.  How many of us often take the time to return to that vulnerable self we once were before the titles, before the accomplishments, before becoming well known?

"I am convinced that the Christian leader of the future is called to be completely irrelevant and to stand in this world with nothing to offer but his or her vulnerable self. That is the way Jesus came to reveal God's love.  The great message that we have to carry, as ministers of God's word and followers of Jesus, is that God loves us not because of what we do or accomplish, but because God has created and redeemed us in love and has chosen us to proclaim that love as the true source of all human life." 

"Feeling irrelevant is a much more general experience than we might think when we look at our seemingly self-confident society."

----

"Knowing God's heart means consistently, radically, and very concretely to announce and reveal that God is love and only love, and that every time fear, isolation, or despair begin to invade the human soul, this is not something that comes from God."

    It is hard to remember this during times of fear, isolation or despair but it is necessary in order to live a healthy quality of life with peace in our mind and soul.

"...very few people know that they are loved without any conditions or limits."

     The above quote moves me to tears because so many of us rely on a conditional and limited love that often comes from human beings.  Nouwen refers to this kind of love as secondary love, which is the love we get from parents, family, and friends.  Yet, as Nouwen states, we need to rely on God's love which is primary, unconditional and unlimited.

"Contemplative prayer keeps us home, rooted, and safe, even when we are on the road, moving from place to place and often surrounded by sounds of violence and war."

     This reminds me that I have access to God from anywhere I am and through prayer and meditation I can feel safe and secure of that.  Even just meditating on scripture (such as Galatians 2:20 where Paul says "It is not I who live, but Christ who lives in me") during times of trouble can bring me peace that God is constantly present.

"Through contemplative prayer we can keep ourselves from being pulled from one urgent issue to another and from becoming strangers to our own heart and God's heart."

---

"...many discussions then seem more like political battles for power than spiritual searches for truth."

   This spoke to me as we are living in a society where everyone has their opinion about morality and hardly is the mystery of Christ ever mentioned.

"The original meaning of the word "Theology" was "union with God", it has now become another academic discipline."

     Again, society is rapidly plunging into secularity and distancing itself from the spiritual.

"For Christian leadership to be truly fruitful in the future, a movement from the moral to the mystical is required."

---

The following excerpts from the book spoke to my new journey as a social worker:

"Jesus, speaking about his own shepherding ministry, says, "I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for my sheep" (John 10:14-15).  As Jesus ministers, so he wants us to minister.  He wants Peter to feed his sheep and care for them, not as "professionals" who know their client's problems and take care of them, but as vulnerable brothers and sisters who know and are known, who care and are cared for, who forgive and are being forgiven, who love and are being loved."

"Somehow we have come to believe that good leadership requires a safe distance from those we are called to lead.  Medicine, psychiatry, and social work all offer us models in which "service" takes place in a one-way direction.  Someone serves, someone else is being served, and be sure not to mix those two up!  But how can we lay down our life for those with whom we are not even allowed to enter into a deep personal relationship?  Laying down your life means making your own faith and doubt, hope and despair, joy and sadness, courage and fear available to others as ways of getting in touch with the Lord of life."

"We are not the healers, we are not the reconcilers, we are not the givers of life. We are sinful, broken, vulnerable people who need as much care as anyone we care for.  The mystery of ministry is that we have been chosen to make our own limited and very conditional love the gateway for the unlimited and unconditional love of God."

"Even the so called "helping professions" have been so thoroughly secularized that mutuality can only be seen as a weakness and a dangerous form of role confusion.  The leadership about which Jesus speaks is of a radically different kind from the leadership offered by the world."

TYGIJN

(c) rosewillberose
     

Good things come to those who....

      I am truly grateful for all the doors of opportunity that have been opening up for me in the world of Social Work.  I have heard different experiences from different people in their struggle to find employment after grad school.  It so difficult to stay in the right place spiritually and mentally when so much is going on.  Not only do I have finals to complete, but I have to prepare for each particular interview.  I certainly do not always remember to do this but I do make an effort to stay focused on the faith that God is going to make it all work out for the good.

      In reflecting on some of my experiences, I remember in high school being part of a Business Career program my Junior year.  Everyone in the program had to work a part-time job until graduation.  While others worked in retail or fast food jobs, I was hoping for an administrative position.  This meant that I waited...and waited..and waited..until finally 3 months into the school year my opportunity came.  I remember thinking "good things DO come to those who wait."  I began to work at a small law firm assisting an attorney with administrative work.  I stayed there for ten years.  Then I moved to NYC.  My plan was to go to grad school in NYC but I felt I needed to be established first. Once I arrived to NYC I began sending my resume out and writing tailored cover letters to different positions.  I remember juggling between 3 different job offers.  I finally chose working at a large law firm and stayed there for four years.  Again I waited...and waited but finally my time came to apply to grad school.  That was two years ago and here I am just weeks away from getting my Master's Degree in Social Work!

   By the grace of God I've been getting several interviews for promising job prospects.   I am still in the interview process and have not gotten any job offers yet, but I have faith that they will come.  I pray for God to provide me with the wisdom to choose right.  Interviewing in the midst of finals has been brutal, but God has provided me with the tools and the courage to show up and shine.  I have already gained an enormous amount of knowledge just by interviewing.  Having to talk about myself and reflect on my experiences has opened up a sea of knowledge about the self.  It has also allowed me to break down barriers that I didn't realize had been there.  I just want to thank God for helping me to put all these experiences into perspective and make them count.  As my academic journey into social work comes to a close, I am looking forward to beginning my professional career.

     I am grateful to everyone who has taken the time to be part of my journey.  Even folks who may no longer be a part of my life contributed to my success in their own way.  I am grateful that I can look back and give those relationships meaning in my life.  I hope that in some way I have also been able to bring meaning into their lives.  I have been blessed throughout this journey and know that I will continue to do so.  This is a new beginning.  I remember writing once that my life was a combination of many "new beginnings."  Well this is another one!  The life work that I have always done will now be my career.  I was born to serve others and I will finally get to do so on a full-time basis!  Amen to that!

(c)rosewillberose
  

Make your life count

     I had an inspiring conversation today in social work school with a fellow I had not met before and a friend we both had in common.  There are a few things I learned from it as we shared certain experiences with one another.  Particularly he shared part of his life story and I was in awe at how he was able to put it all into perspective.  The conversation began with the challenges we have had to face as students of color in a predominantly white institution. Its a hard reality that even in social work school, students of color are marginalized.  Yet no matter how difficult things may get, we must strive to continue our education.  We also talked about the messages we tend to receive from people in our lives, and how those messages don't always resonate with us in that moment.  Yet as we live life and have different experiences those messages begin to give our lives meaning.  This fellow told a story about back when he was growing up one of his professors said to him "boy, you gotta make your life count." He talked about not having any idea what the professor meant at that time, but how meaningful those words are to him now.  They may have sounded like simple words then,  but eventually they brought meaning into his life.

  What I took from the conversation were a few things.  First of all, you never know how God is going to use you to carry His message and to manifest His glory through your life.  Second of all, what we may see at one point in our life as a curse, will later turn out to be a blessing because we were able to see the bigger picture.  I say this because the fellow talked about his experience being in prison for a crime he did not commit.  Finally, one of the social work theories I keep coming across is the "use of self".  The idea that someone can take their life experiences and use them to empower and do good unto others is very powerful.  This fellow decided to become educated in prison and after serving time he dedicated his life to serving others.  It makes me realize that its not always about what you go through, it's what you do with what you go through.  As social workers, we never know what journey our clients have been through.  This is why it is so important to LISTEN, its the only way to be able to validate a client's story and collaboratively help the client give it meaning.  One thing my friend mentioned in the conversation was a good exercise to use to help empower clients and that is to think of them as their "highest self."  Once we picture them as their "highest self" we can empower in a way as if they have already reached it.

As future social workers we have to be aware that we are wounded healers.  The fellow in the conversation brought this up and referred to it as "working with our wounds."  He shared another experience with us about how taking a class one time where he learned about the origins of comedy.  In the process he mentioned Richard Pryor...good ole Richard Pryor.  I thought this was important to mention because Richard Pryor is a prime example of a wounded healer.  He was a really great comedian who addressed really important issues in his time in such a unique way.  He was very genuine and talented.  Yet I wonder how many people knew his story.  He is also a prime example of someone who was able to use himself in such a way to bring healing through laughter to so many people around the world.  I wonder if someone he encountered in his life said to him, "boy, you gotta make your life count."

Here is a sneak peek at one of Pryor's comedy clips:



Some things I am grateful to God for today:

• for all the lessons, messages, unexpected encounters and conversations with others
• that God has brought me to such a noble profession as social work
• to be surrounded around people who are not afraid to talk about God and spirituality.  (I thought it was interesting that this fellow I encountered said that he was not religious at all but that he has been able to live his life based on "Christian-like"principles.) 
• remembering the book I had read long ago "The Wounded Healer"by Henri Nouwen  
• incorporating spirituality into everything we do including our profession 
• a safe space to share our narratives 
• for always empowering me to make my life count
• for Richard Pryor and his ability to persevere and truly use himself in his life's work ( I encourage you to read his life story)

(c)rosewillberose
       

Spiritual Sunday

     Today I woke up feeling renewed and refreshed.  After reading the scriptures of today I decided to go for a walk in my new neighborhood.  Although I do miss my old neighborhood and neighbors, I must say I truly heart my new nook in Astoria, Queens.  Since I've lived in Queens New York I have had a desire to move to Astoria and here I am just a few blocks from the park.  I took a few photos while I took my morning walk on such a beautiful sunny day.  Here are some of them:

         The scripture readings for today were deep and meaningful and I am glad I was able to take a walk before mass to contemplate on them.   The first reading was about the apostles being reprimanded for teaching in the name of Jesus. Though they were given a warning not to, the apostles were pleased that they were able to suffer for the sake of Jesus' name.  It makes me wonder how often do we place ourselves in a position of suffering or ridicule or awkwardness for the sake of Jesus' name???  The second reading was from the Book of Revelations which is said to have been written by John the apostle.  This reading was hard to comprehend but if you read it for yourself you might get a clear picture in your mind of angels and our elders gathering to worship the Lord (Beautiful!)  The Gospel reading was from the Book of Acts about the third time that Jesus appeared to the apostles since His Resurrection.  This time the apostles were attempting to fish on a boat but could not make a good catch.  When Jesus spoke to them and at least one of them believed it was Jesus, their nets were suddenly bursting with catch.  It made me think about how just one person's faith can change things for the better of themselves and others.  

        My walk ended at Our Lady of Mount Carmel Church where I made it just in time for 12:30 Spanish mass.  Father Ogle gave the mass today and also did the homily.  Here are some of the notes I took from the homily:

Faith + Faithfulness = Easter

Two basic principles in the readings:

1) put our faith into action and

2) reaffirm our faithfulness to Christ

How do I live my faith in action?

How can I reaffirm my faith in Christ?

How can that faith be lived in my relationships with others and for the good of the church?

How can we LIVE our baptism?

      These will be just a few things for me to contemplate on this week.  Also during the mass there was also a special ceremony done for a gentleman who is becoming a deacon.  At the end of the homily he reaffirmed his faith in Christ and made his vows and/or promises accordingly.  It was beautiful and unexpected to witness such an event (and it gave me an opportunity to pull out my camera and snap a few pics..wink, wink).  As I sat there and watched the ceremony I wondered how it felt to become a deacon.  I know many women in the Catholic Church are often contemplating on what their place is when our options are limited.  Today I will pray for this deacon and his ministry, and I will also pray for the future of women in the church.  

Our Lady of Mount Carmel Parish, Astoria 

Celebrating Easter Season

(c) rosewillberose 

Reflections on Easter Vigil

     Easter is such an exciting time in the life of a Christian.  The resurrection of Jesus is basically the foundation of Christianity.  Growing up my parents were always avid churchgoers, so we had a close knit community that would come together every Sunday.  However, I remember that on Easter Sunday the church was filled with folks celebrating the resurrection of Christ.  In the Catholic church it is the time of year to see images of Christ resurrecting instead of suffering on the cross.  It is a time to rejoice and be glad that the Lord has risen! 

    It wasn't until 2008, while living in New York City, that I attended the Easter Vigil on Holy Saturday.  I had no idea this ceremony took place in all the years growing up in the church.  What a beautiful ceremony it is.  I remember walking to my parish and entering a pitch black church and someone handing me a candle upon entering.  There was just but a small spark of light coming from one of the altar servers holding a candle while the priest read from the book of Genesis.  I was moved by just seeing that tiny spark of light.  Then that tiny spark of light lit up a parishioner's candle and that parishioner lit up the next person's candle and so forth until it got all the way to me.  I felt so blessed and connected with my parish members.  It was beautiful to see us all provide each other with light.  From then on I knew I wanted to attend the Easter Vigil every year.  

    Unfortunately I did not attend this year's Easter Vigil, but I wanted to write about my first encounter of it to remember how special this day is in my life.  I almost felt like that day in 2008 it was a renewal of my commitment to Christ and to my neighbors.  I did not know about the Easter Vigil through my parents who baptized me Catholic and raised me in the church.  I learned about it on my own through the guidance of the Lord.  So this year I will celebrate the Lord's resurrection on Easter Sunday-just like old times.  It will be a day to remember my commitment to Christ and to celebrate life! 

This is the day the Lord has made let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Psalm 118:24

P.S. If anyone is reading this, I am wondering if you have any reflections on a time you felt you were making or renewing your commitment to Christ?

Good Friday Reflections

     Though I am swamped with schoolwork and did not allow myself to step outside of my house, I am grateful to Busted Halo (BH) for creating the virtual stations on the cross.  I was able to take some time out of my day to let reflect on Jesus and His journey on the cross.  Here are a few prayers and reflections that spoke to me:

Oh God help me to be courageous with Jesus like Veronica was when she wiped the face of Jesus on the Cross.

"Grow your kingdom with us, Jesus.  Be there for us  in our trials and sufferings, and let us do the same for others." (BH)

Oh God, help us to understand that just "being there" for others helps, the way the women of Jerusalem were there for Jesus during His carrying of the cross.

Oh Lord help us not to fall for the wrong reasons but if we do fall may it be for the right reasons as Jesus did.

"The kingdom begins with nothing more than a deep, personal, intimate and real relationship with Him." (BH)

"...we are Christians only if we encounter Christ...." (Pope Benedict)

Oh God help me to have a daily encounter with Christ Jesus.

"We cannot be part-time disciples." (BH)

Oh God help me to know and focus on the fact that the good outweighs the bad.

Help us Oh Lord "to let go of relationships that no longer give life, to let go of old opinions that hurt others, and to let go of old patterns of living that spread only bad."  (BH)

"Please free our fears of letting go.."  (BH)

"...and help us to know that you will be there to open new life for us." (BH)

     I haven't gotten to do as much for Holy week as I would have liked but I did go to Adoration on Tuesday at St. Malachy's on 49th and Broadway.  It was very comforting for me to return to this place I used to frequent when I worked in that area.  I met up with a good old friend of mine and as we sat there in adoration a few other friends and fellow christians joined us in silence.  After our quiet time with Christ we shared a meal and fellowship at a restaurant on 9th avenue.  I felt blessed to be gathered there with fellow young adult Catholics, some new and some old friends.  

     One of the topics that came up in conversation was how many of us are known as "cradle" Catholics and how difficult it has been to define or explain our reasons for remaining Catholic throughout our lives besides of course saying that "my parents are Catholic."  One of the difficulties mentioned were how we do not remember our baptism, and how we secretly long to renew our baptismal vows with Christ in some kind of rebirth ceremony.  I remember mentioning that I do have some recollection of my confirmation ceremony and process, but unfortunately do not remember who was my Saint nor much of what I was taught then.  I mentioned how I secretly would love to experience my confirmation once again in my young adult life and truly understand the magnitude of receiving the gift of the Holy Spirit of Christ.  Though some did talk about remembering the ceremony and knowing their saint, they agreed that it would be a whole different experience as a young adult.

     The conversation made me further contemplate about how much we long for belonging and how much we are a people of ritual.  In our group there was one fellow who had converted to Catholicism five years ago.  He was not a cradle Catholic and remembers receiving his sacraments of initiation.  It was quite inspiring to see his conviction for Christ and the Catholic Church.  Though we "cradle" Catholics are fortunate to have been born into the church, I think most of us secretly long to renew our vows to Christ so that we can feel more connected to His church, the saints, and the Holy Spirit.  May God fulfill this longing for us through Christ Jesus.

Amen.



Thank you Jesus!

     As I sit here struggling to focus on my schoolwork, I think about how crazy it is that I am going to be done with grad school at the end of May (God willing!).  This will be a huge milestone in my life that I know is going to open many doors for me and take me many places.  I am looking forward to knowing what it feels like to grow in a profession and to feel that I was made for it.  I don't know where this journey will take me next but I am grateful and openhearted....