Monday, July 28, 2014

and more psalms..

     So I haven't written here in some time.  For a while I had a monthly post and well…life happens.  I have been a bit of a blank page lately.  Not in my head of course, just in my writing.  My head is a constant whirlwind of thoughts and ideas by the minute of which I cannot put onto the page because either I am too tired, or nothing comes out on the page.  Sometimes there is no way to provoke expression through writing, one just has to wait…and wait..and its painful..but we must wait.  The thing about me and this blog is also that when I do write I tend to do it in my personal journal and not on my blog.  I wonder if anyone else has this problem?  Anyhow, I'm not sure why I don't just directly write on my blog.  I guess I still feel like some things are just too personal…but I'm working on it.  I am a wounded healer and my life experiences is what builds connection with others…that was the message I received from another wounded healer and Catholic author a few weeks back.  Perhaps I will get into that another time…right now I just want to share a post I wrote in my personal journal on July 16th.  The entry includes two psalms I wrote on the spot.  Here it is:
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
I am very frustrated right now.  I just want to be utterly honest.  I am sitting here in the quiet space of my room trying to write up a blurb for the young adult ministry starting in a few weeks and I can’t think of anything to write.  I have done this before several times.  I have read scripture, spiritual books, quotes, etc and yet I cannot think of anything to write.  I feel empty of words.  Yet there is something in me that wants to burst..

Lord, please here my cry
of utter frustration 
I can’t seem to find my inspiration 
I am not sure what is in the way Lord 
but I pray for you to intervene and remove
the blockage that is in the way
Oh Lord I feel empty of words, empty of imagination
like an empty jar that you can see right through
Life has been quite hectic and noisy but isn’t the
struggle and the hustle what inspires creativity?
I sit here in silence and I hear my own emptiness
I want to be enthusiastic about this young adult ministry
I want to exercise the gift that the Lord put in me
I want to fulfill my purpose in this community, but yet
I feel empty, perhaps I have forgotten how to value silence
how to value the opportunities to read and write or just
sit and become inspired, this is the time Oh Lord
and I just cannot come up with anything but I will continue
to remain hopeful that the Holy Spirit will work in me
and allow me to come up with something solely inspired by

That was my psalm for the day.  I need to write psalms daily.  Since I started writing psalms they have been mostly of lament or frustration.  I need to write psalms of gratitude and hope.  In fact here is an attempt to write a psalm of hope:

The Lord who is slowly revealing to me the meaning of Love
through the life experiences of others, 
through a sweet LOVE song by 
Musiq Soulchild or Tendy Pendergrass
through the beauty of nature and a million trees
right in the center of the this Big Apple City
through the compliments of others
or just a simply random smile
The Lord who embraces me and showers me with Love
who looks at me and sees beauty made in His image
who looks at me and sees greatness and potential
The Lord who opens up the gates and breaks down the walls
built up over the years of walking through the valley of the shadow of death
The Lord who picks up the pieces and makes a masterpiece again
The Lord who lifts me up...Higher than I’ve ever imagined
The Lord who fills me up when I am on empty and makes my cup runneth over
The Lord who redirects my path when I am lost and looking for love
in all the wrong places 
THe Lord who reminds me that only He who is God is Love.