Thursday, March 18, 2010

Oh ye of little Faith...

I am experiencing a Rude Awakening. But, sometimes it takes a rude awakening to wake up what has been sleeping in our hearts for way too long. I am not sure what I have been doing with my work life for the last 12 years. I can give the excuse that I’ve met some wonderful people in the process, because I have, however that is no excuse to continue doing work that does not inspire my creativity nor ignite my enthusiasm. What is happening to me really feels like direction. This is what it feels like I’ve been truly waiting for. It does come at an interesting time when I am giving excuses of why I should be grateful that I even have the job that I have right now. Am I grateful for the blessings of the Lord YES of course, however I feel like I am ye of little faith for not taking the leap to find my passion. I keep waiting for something, waiting to get my masters, waiting to save money, waiting to pay off my bills, its like waiting for Godot and Godot never comes because all along it has been up to us to take that leap of Faith…that is the Holy Spirit fire that we all have access to but we fail to exercise. One thing I learned years ago is that I will succeed wherever I go so I should never limit myself because of fear. Perfect love casts out fear and the things of God are not the things of this Earth, in other words even though we are experiencing a recession in this country, I will not be affected so as long as I am under the law of Spirit. Wherever I go I know that God will help me grow. Wherever I knock on the door of Faith I know the Lord will open and provide. That is having Faith.

I feel like all this time I’ve been feeling like I am being led by the spirit when in fact it has not been that way. The Holy Spirit Fire can make anyone do GREAT things. Especially wake up everyday with enthusiasm for serving the Lord. Walking with a skip in our step anxious to know what the Lord has in store for us next. I realized when I was in Chicago that the work I was doing was not giving me that enthusiasm, however I felt that it was more of the environment I was in. I figured relocating to a whole other city will help with that and believe me for two years now it has. However, I realize now that its not just the environment but it’s the work that I am doing. There is no passion in it for me, no motivation. I need to be in a place where I am working directly with people. I need to see the fruits of my labor for a change, that will help me get up every morning with enthusiasm. That will help me even become a morning person again the way I used to be. The work that I do know is meaningless, there is no one waiting for me to accomplish their task. In fact if I don’t show up I would be easily replaced. And its through no fault of the people at my job, its all up to me. I am the one who searched for this type of work again because I didn’t feel the confidence to go outside of my comfort zone. All I was thinking about was that I needed to be making enough money to be self-sufficient. I did not bother to explore things that I have really been wanting to do. Oh ye of little faith.

So now right smack in the middle of my rude awakening which comes at a very inconvenient time, I realize that I need to really make that change no matter how inconvenient it may be if I am going to ever move forward in Faith.

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