Monday, April 26, 2010

A minor meltdown

God definitely works through people. Today I was revealed many things. A friend of mine just layed it down for me. Told me exactly what I needed to hear. God bless her for that. It makes so much sense to me. What I have been feeling physically are manifestations of my emotional stress. I have been experiencing stress lately and my mind has been focused on negative emotions like anger, blame, sadness, and guilt. I have not been praying like I used to and I even missed church for two sundays. Whatever I have been feeling I have not allowed myself to express it. I have been holding in whatever it is that I've been feeling. Today I finally allowed myself to cry and to pray and to restore all communications with my Lord and Savior. All this time I know what i've had to do but it gets harder with time to admit to oneself that we do not know everything. If we are to Trust in the Lord we have to let Him know that we need Him. We have to communicate our pain to Him, show Him that we are going through a struggle. I am always telling others to pray and thats its okay to cry or to talk to a trustworthy person about how we feel. Yet here I am, Lost.

Another thing that my friend mentioned without me saying anything to her is that we all need that one person that we trust spirtually and I have been greatly lacking that. There are two people who have served as spiritual guides for me in New York and they both had to relocate to other places. I remember when Sister Eileen left to North Carolina, i miss her very much, but I know she is happy and that God's plan is for her to serve others. I am grateful to have crossed her path and I know that we will see eachother again. May God bless her. I often wondered who would be my next spiritual mentor. I can identify a few people, however I truly believe that those things just happen naturally. I cried today because I long for that. I long for someone to talk to about my personal spiritual battles, someone I can Trust.

So there I was by my bed unraveling myself to the Lord. Thank you Father, for humbling me and for helping me get the message. I already feel brand new. I know that you have good and great things in store for me! I know that you walk this journey with me and promise to never leave me..thank you Father God!

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