Grad school has been really getting the best of me. So many assignments to complete and so little time. There has been so much I've been wanting to share but have not been able to balance it out with schoolwork and other obligations at this time. Prioritizing continues to be a learning process and although I do attempt to plan my daily activities, sometimes you just have to just go with the flow...
I struggle with the fact that I get inspired the most when I have a lot on my plate. I wonder if its just the anxiety that builds up to creativity. When I have all the time in the world to dedicate to creativity, that is when I least feel inspired. Yet right now, in the midst of final papers and exams, I want to write, draw, paint, and collage. A few weeks ago I had the strong urge to write a poem in the midst of writing a paper.
I called it a "Psalm of Lament and Hope" and it truly spoke to the way I have been feeling lately. I share this very personal piece of me hoping it may bring some light to someone who can relate.
Time has been passing
and I have grown increasingly anxious
with every second that goes by
as I try to cope day by day
I ask myself
will you go or will you stay
I feel an ache in my my soul
as I think of my poor
broken emotional fragile heart
that does not want to part
from this unfinished canvas we once called love
and even though it was too soon to tell then
taking a step back now to breathe
has left me without oxygen
Will we stand the test of time
will we accept that a series of unfortunate events took place
which caused grief, rejection, and too much to face
which caused anxiety, resentment, and frustration
because no communication was taking place
As I ask for guidance from up above
I wonder can it all be mended by forgiveness and unconditional love
that although we have both been broken down to pieces
that we allow God to transform and release us
from our own imperfections and ego behavior
so that we can come together
or maybe we have been deeply scarred
and have been losing connection
and can no longer rely on our intentions
I don’t have any answers to these questions
but I know that I want to be the person that God has made me to be
and I want to be with the person that God has placed on earth for me
I hope and pray to God that it will be thee.
It has been a very challenging time for me of which I have been seeking clarity and truth. In the midst of the struggles, however, I must acknowledge the many blessings along the way. I see that God is opening doors for me and I pray for courage to enter them in faith. I do see a ray of hope in the horizon that I could not see before. I will continue to pray and trust that God will make everything work out for the good. I will be relieved when this semester is over and I can dedicate more time to self-reflect, share, and get creative.