In a bit of hibernation....

Grad school has been really getting the best of me.  So many assignments to complete and so little time.  There has been so much I've been wanting to share but have not been able to balance it out with schoolwork and other obligations at this time.  Prioritizing continues to be a learning process and although I do attempt to plan my daily activities, sometimes you just have to just go with the flow...

I struggle with the fact that I get inspired the most when I have a lot on my plate.  I wonder if its just the anxiety that builds up to creativity.  When I have all the time in the world to dedicate to creativity, that is when I least feel inspired.  Yet right now, in the midst of final papers and exams, I want to write, draw, paint, and collage.  A few weeks ago I had the strong urge to write a poem in the midst of writing a paper.

I called it a "Psalm of Lament and Hope" and it truly spoke to the way I have been feeling lately.  I share this very personal piece of me hoping it may bring some light to someone who can relate.

Time has been passing

and I have grown increasingly anxious 

with every second that goes by

as I try to cope day by day

I ask myself

will you go or will you stay

I feel an ache in my my soul

as I think of my poor 

broken emotional fragile heart

that does not want to part

from this unfinished canvas we once called love

and even though it was too soon to tell then

taking a step back now to breathe

has left me without oxygen

Will we stand the test of time

will we accept that a series of unfortunate events took place

which caused grief, rejection, and too much to face

which caused anxiety, resentment, and frustration

because no communication was taking place 

As I ask for guidance from up above 

I wonder can it all be mended by forgiveness and unconditional love

that although we have both been broken down to pieces

that we allow God to transform and release us

from our own imperfections and ego behavior

so that we can come together

or maybe we have been deeply scarred 

and have been losing connection 

and can no longer rely on our intentions

I don’t have any answers to these questions

but I know that I want to be the person that God has made me to be

and I want to be with the person that God has placed on earth for me

I hope and pray to God that it will be thee.

It has been a very challenging time for me of which I have been seeking clarity and truth.  In the midst of the struggles, however, I must acknowledge the many blessings along the way.  I see that God is opening doors for me and I pray for courage to enter them in faith.   I do see a ray of hope in the horizon that I could not see before.  I will continue to pray and trust that God will make everything work out for the good.  I will be relieved when this semester is over and I can dedicate more time to self-reflect, share, and get creative.